Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
