ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
