Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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