True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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