Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
