So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
