I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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