Yo dont text me then not text me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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