Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
