Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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