I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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