Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
