Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
