Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize