have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
