Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
