At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
