So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
