you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
