DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
