i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize