Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
