Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
