Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
