I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
