I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
