miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
