Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
