Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
