Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
