I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
