I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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