I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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