Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
