I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
