I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
