the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
