idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize