hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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