Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
