why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
