On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
