i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
