is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
