Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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