this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
