i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
