If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
