I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize