I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize