Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
