at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
