theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
