You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Let's get the cat blown out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize