All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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