i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
COCAINE IS GR8
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
