you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
