Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
