so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
