dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
