K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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