I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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