I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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