I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
