You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I would fuck him just for his dog
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