Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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