I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
