I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
