bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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